Someone shit on the floor
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
