He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
4 words: hood of his car
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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