Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
