Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
