I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
