3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
