my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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