You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
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Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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