How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
