I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My penis needs a shock collar
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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