Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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