It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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