You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
