She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
