I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The ass gains better be worth it
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