I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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