i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
