his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
