Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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