We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
