He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize