Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
