Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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