bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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