i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
