when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
