i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
