good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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