Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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