I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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