Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
