you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im six kinds of drunk right now
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize