Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i've created a new STD.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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