she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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