Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
