i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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