I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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