You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
