Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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