It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
