If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
