Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
