She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
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He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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