I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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