help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
