You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
