After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
this is an emotional support booty call
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
