i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
