So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
