You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
