I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
