Apparently you make a good broom.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If its not for food we ain't going out.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
