Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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