lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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