honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
