do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
